My Final Article/Thoughts

Well I finished up the four days in a wheelchair a couple of days ago. It was so hard it's hard to convey my feelings. I wrote an article about it for the Sentinel.
So far people seem to like it. I was concerned about making it too melodramatic, however, I think I achieved a nice balance. Anyways, I'm going to post it here, which maybe is silly but I just want to to do that. Thanks so much for everyone that helped me do this and everyone that read my blogs/article.
Eli Francovich

Handicapable

Week in wheelchair opens author's eyes

By: Eli Francovich

Posted: 12/8/08

Spending four days in a wheelchair wasn't what I was expecting. It was an educational experience. I've always considered myself to be a sympathetic person. I always try to relate to other's situations.

But imagination can only take you so far.

I couldn't imagine, for instance, feeling short. Just one of those little things you don't think about.

But that's what I noticed. I was physically shorter than those around me.

The other thing that was hard for me was the attention. I'm not one to draw attention to myself. I like blending into a crowd. I don't like people noticing me. But when you're in a wheelchair, regardless of whether or not you're truly disabled, you're noticed. It can't be helped. You are different. You are outside of the norm.

Another thing, no matter how good the accommodations or how helpful those around me, the world we live in is designed around the assumption that you can walk.

For four days I couldn't walk. Automatically, this gave me a different perspective on life. A perspective I hope I never forget. So, instead of just writing a chronology of events, I'm going to focus on the ones that stick in my memory.

The first day I decided to go downtown to Calypso's and get a coffee. I started out ready for anything. Up until that point, being in a wheelchair hadn't been too bad. In fact, it was kind of fun. Popping wheelies and zipping around my classroom was fun.

Long distances are a different matter.

I only made it halfway. Using my arms as my sole means of transportation isn't a cakewalk. On top of that, most sidewalks aren't even. Any slight slant in the terrain sent my chair careening off course. The only way to compensate was to use one arm. This wore out my arm quickly, leaving me exhausted.

I was profoundly aware of how people looked or didn't look at me. Some would seek out eye contact. Usually they smiled. The majority of people wouldn't. They avoided my eyes. This I'm sure was done out of respect. However, it made me feel like a ghost.

The hardest thing for me was interacting with people who actually are disabled. They appreciated what I was doing. For a time we were able to talk about our shared condition. But they knew, just as I knew, that for me it was just an experiment. It wouldn't last. In four days I would be walking and they wouldn't.

When the four days were up, I felt like a traitor. For me it was done. I could jump out and walk around. They can't.

I don't mean to say that disabled people are suffering. Life is just as good or bad for them as it is for anyone. However, it's harder.

Simply to get from one class to another I had to plan out my route. I learned to avoid certain areas because, for whatever reason, they aren't wheelchair friendly. The sidewalk in front of McLain Hall is nearly impassable due to raised sewer gratings.

Although spots on campus that were challenging, overall I was impressed with the facilities NIC provides. But that didn't change the fact that I was painfully aware of the intended use of our facilities.

They are meant for people who walk. All the accommodations in the world won't change this. No matter how wheelchair accessible a place is, it will never be designed solely with wheelchair users in mind.

I hope I never forget any of this, especially an interaction I had with Brianna Walt.

Walt was paralyzed in a car accident two or three years ago. I read about it while I was in driver's education.

She was a 4.0 student and an athlete at Lakeland High School. The accident changed her life forever. It paralyzed the right side of her body.

When I met her, she was obviously concerned about whether or not I was truly injured. I explained what I was doing. She asked what I thought so far. I said I thought it was hard.

She said, slowly, "Yeah, it's hard. It's so hard."

A Chair

Four days in a chair part 1 day 4

Well today was the last day. Today I tried to keep it as real as possible. I did full transfers in the bathroom (they're a pain in the ass), etc. I got used to it. Instead of almost standing up and walking some where I would automatically just roll there.

I ended the day at 4:30 in the afternoon. Stepping out of the chair I couldn't help but be relieved. Then I though about everyone I know and everyone I don't know who will never step out of the chair. For them it is not just an experiment, it's their life.

Spending time in the Chair taught me a lot. I always thought I was pretty sympathetic. I always considered myself able to relate with others people's lives.

I was wrong.

I can't help but feel bad. Almost like a traitor. For a while I was part of a new culture. A culture of Chair dwellers. They live in and interact with the world of the walking. While they are accommodated they are still different. While their lives are just as full and happy (or empty and sad) as non-disabled people they are different. There is no escaping that difference. No hiding it. I joined that culture, albeit briefly, and then I left.

But I won't forget.

Four days in a chair (Part 1) Day 3

Yesterday wasn't nearly as bad as I predicted. Going to class was rather fun and wheeling around campus was interesting and educational. The best/most intense part was interacting with other students in wheelchairs. I feel like such a fake and it really drives home the finality of their situations. For me it's just a couple of days. It's a novelty. For them it's their life.

I don't want to jump to conclusions about what it's like to live in a chair. Simply because you don't have a disability doesn't mean you hate your life or anything like that. However, there is no arguing that it's harder. The world we live in is designed for people with 10 fingers, 10 toes, two legs and two arms.

I was walking um... I mean rolling... through Lee-Kildow Hall. I was waiting for the elevator. People were walking around me ignoring or trying to ignore the my 'condition'. When the elevator finally reached the second floor there was another person in a chair.

Breanna Walt was paralyzed in a car accident two or three years ago. I read about it while I was in drivers ed. Breanna was a 4.0 student and an athlete and Lakeland Highschool. The accident changed her life forever.

When I met her she was obviously concerned about whether or not I was truly injured. I explained what I was doing. She asked what I thought so far. I said I thought it was hard.

She said, and I could see it all, the despair and even anger,
"It's hard. It's so hard."

Four days in a chair (Part 1) Day 2

Well this morning I woke up. I didn't crawl around the house, I got sick of that awefully fast. Instead I walked etc. Had coffee and breakfast and then got a ride into town with Leo. Had to drive him to school and then drive myself to NIC. Once I got to NIC I got out of the car and pulled out the Chair. I climbed in and started my day.

I felt really odd getting out of the car and walking to the trunk, pulling out the Chair, locking up the car and then sitting down in the Chair and wheeling away. I wonder what people though? Probably not much.

Today I go to class. I'm pretty nervous about that. I hate drawing attention to myself. It will be fine though. It will be weird to see how class is.

My whole perception of the world is so much different. It's so odd. I see myself in mirrors or windows and my whole mental image of myself is changed.

Well I'm going to head to class so as not to be late. I also need to get a seat close to the door.

That is another thing I've noticed. I map out my routes in my mind before I actually go anywhere. I think of the smoothest paths and easiest transitions. Being confined to the Chair really forces me to appreciate my surroundings in ways that I never do when I'm walking around.

Four days in a chair (Part 3) Day 1

Another thing that I've noticed is that I feel like a burden. Maybe I am but this is ridiculous. Everyone that knows what I'm doing is supportive and anyone who doesn't know what I'm doing just thinks I'm a legitimate cripple, which means I shouldn't get any crap.

Oh well just one more thing to learn.

Four Days in a Chair (Part 2) Day 1

Well it's almost 3 p.m. I've been in this wheelchair all day. I just went for a walk/roll. Initially I was going to go all the way downtown, however it was much harder than I ever imagined. My arms were killing me and the slightest irregularity in the pavement made it even harder. Plus it was really cold out.

I noticed how people looked at me. Those driving either didn't look or they smiled. Why smile I wonder?

I'm glad no one offered me help. I think that I would have been even more embarrassed.
Yes it's true, I'm embarrassed. I hate drawing attention to myself and everyone notices a wheelchair. There is something about a wheelchair that says permanent disability, at least to me. I know it isn't true but that feeling is there.

Another thing I've heard at least twice is that I look like a bum. Granted I'm wearing a black knit hat and a rain coat, however I wear that outfit a lot and no one has ever said anything about me being a bum. So what is it about wheelchairs and black knit caps that make people think of bums? I see it too. I look at myself and I think I look like a bum. Why?

Right now I'm debating whether or not I should go get food. I'm really hungry but I'm even more embarrassed to be seen in the sub. That is really really lame.

You need to be tough to be in a chair.